He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
