I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
