On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
