I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
