I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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