my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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