his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
