We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
