I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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