My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
