can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this just has baby written all over it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
