I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
