he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
false alarm. still invincible.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
