You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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