Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
