I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
