She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
