im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
