I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You made out with two different species that night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
