Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
