Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
