oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
well you can't waste a boner
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
