you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
