New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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