Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
