I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
