Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he thought i was a dude.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
