I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
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