i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
