Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
