I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
