The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
