ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
