if you like me you must not know who I am
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
