Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just high enough for therapy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
