Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
