Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
nutella sex= disaster
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
