I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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