I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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