Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
