she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
