she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Everything about him screamed your future.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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