$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
