we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
