hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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