Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
