I can text with my tongue
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
