Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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