I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
