I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
