She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have surprise drugs for everyone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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